Empire State of Mind

A couple of goals I have for myself:


1. Raise my overall GWA to magna standing
2. Gift myself with tattoos for my 20th birthday
3. Gain weight
4. Let my abs shine through teehee
5. Cultivate my personal style
6. Be friends with this one person
7. Reconnect more with my Supsip girls
8. Buy more make up!!!
9. Have my ears pierced
10. Do something I have never done before
11. Be nicer to my parents (yknow, malambing)


Yes the song is playing right now to really put me in the mood and I must say, I'm already feeling good. 

Sembreak as of Today

Planning a daily schedule and getting just the subjects one needs can be really stressful. Especially if you're in UP. Everyone here is all agawan with subjects that pre-enlistment, prerog, and enrollment turn into such bitches. But you know, that's life.

I really hope that I can take this one required subject which I am already enlisted for. If the professor tells me that I'll have to cancel it, I will only have one class every Tuesday and Thursday; this will suck big time because it starts at 2:30 pm and ends 4 pm (on Tuesday) and 5 pm (on Thursday).  

On a happier note, my grades are pretty good! This comes as a surprise because I really felt that this semester was the semester I performed the worst in. I was really not motivated in some subjects, was always cramming and just had a hard time focusing. I still had my goals in mind so I worked hard, and that hard work, thankfully, paid off (well, in some subjects at least). I would have gotten a higher grade in CTRA (something like art class) if I hadn't been late all the time! I'm just waiting for two more grades--one is my major and the other is CWTS. I hope I get a good enough grade in my major so that I can be university scholar, and that I pass CWTS so that I can take CWTS 2 (which I am so happy I got because the professor  who handles the class I enlisted for is rumored to leave after this semester). 

(Confession: I'm excited for school primarily because I'm already  bored at home.)

On a pretty note, I finally bought an eyelash curler!! So happy!! The eyes are really the part of the face that I love to emphasize. Now that I have the curler, and that I have already gotten how to properly fill in my brows, my eyes will be vavavoom! I just need to learn how to put on falsies na lang. 

Cheers to education and make up--two things that make life beautiful. 


PS: I also visited Taft today! The atmosphere there is really just so different. I like the hustle of it all, but would like to see just a bit more foliage around campus. And Nomi should have a branch in UP. Just saying. 

Restlessness

I'm waiting for How To Make It In America to load (awesome show, please watch it) when going through Tumblr my best friend posts a little something that goes sin a little. Now, I've always been a good girl--I've wanted to do so many bad things but I just don't do them because I'm always thinking of the repercussions, and also cause I was raised to avoid shit like that. But my friend is right--"Sometimes losing yourself is the only way to find yourself." 


I guess I could also owe this thought to the time I am thinking it at, or to the countless times wherein I think back on my life (where I've been, what I've done, who I've been with), think about my life now and what I want my life to be (where I want to go, what I want to do, who I want to be with). Sometimes I really just wanna kick myself in my imaginary bag a' balls and say "Just fuckin' do it." But then I think about all the things that could go wrong and that just instantly cripples me and puts me in a solitary prison where I've no rescue at all. I've no rescue at all simply because I've made my own sentence! Does it show that I overthink? Overthinking kills, I tell you. Striking a balance between not giving a shit and overthinking is the key to getting anything done. Perhaps that is my problem. I haven't found that balance yet. On one end (not giving a shit), I could really let myself go and risk everything I've let my parents and other people I care for trust me with. On the other end, I could incessantly think about every detail and overanalyze them such that I singlehandedly deny myself any kind of life worth living. This whole striking a balance thing, it's a real bitch. It takes forever to get right and along the way, you fuck up. But it's a bitch that deserves time and allows for a couple of sidetracks and misdemeanors. 


Going back to being a good girl, I think that I just generalize myself as one. Lately though I've been feeling like I should do something bad, bad like, "Oh my God, Bea really did that?" kind of bad. I guess I wanna do something that's totally not like me, just to see if it really is unlike me, or is actually more like me. 


I'll write about something bad when it happens. For now I think How To Make... has already fully loaded.

Fulfill My Needs

These are just a couple of things I need:

1. Eyelash curler
2. Eye cream
3. Denim polo
4. Heart shaped sunglasses (they're so cute!)
5. White v-neck shirts
6. Big white bag
7. Brown messenger bag
8. Light pink lipstick
9. Nude lipstick
10. Lotion!


I have a tendency to let this list disappear until it has extended into a length that my budget cannot accomodate haha! Note to self: Buy these in increments. 

Adventureland

"My theory is you can't just avoid everybody you screw up with."
                                                     -James Brennan (Jesse Eisenberg)


You can't avoid people. Even if you want to, you just can't.

Som's Chillin'

My best friend came over to the house today for some much needed catching up and chilling out. Today was really just what we both needed. We had initially planned to eat at this dessert place somewhere in Dela Rosa, but she was craving for Som's so Som's it was. I like Som's empty like that. The atmosphere in the restaurant was exactly what I've been feeling lately--lazy, quiet, and quite cool. Cool in the sense that I've been feeling rather reserved and not really.. so out there. These days I find myself wanting to hang out with myself and a few close friends as opposed to merrymaking with the rest of the party scene. I like parties but I dunno. Recently I prefer to stay in because I want to just relax. (...or perhaps I just might not have something to wear for the night haha!)

In any case, my best friend coming over was really great (as always). She's one of the few people who really understands me on all levels, especially now that my brain is filled with so many whizzing thoughts. I think that's why I just want to relax--my brain is busy trying to sort things out. I can't deal with a hectic, up with energy environment right now or else I might just space out and do something stupid (the regrettable kind, not the funny look-back-memory kind).  

Btw, even if I don't like rainy weather, I like this chilly season because it gives Filipinos an excuse to dress up as if it's fall. Don't you think fall outfits are cute? Speaking of clothes, my cousin's girlfriend (I'm pretty sure they're from her) gave my sister and I tickets for Philippine Fashion Week. It's a shame that we might not be able to go as we will be in Cavite then (but that may still change!) so I might just give these away. 

PS: Things will only become more difficult from this point onwards. Gotta toughen up some more, babe. 

Fear and Desire

I learned a valuable lesson today: that which you fear is that which you desire.

I hate having to learn lessons the hard way, but I think for a person as stubborn as I am, that'll probably be the best way to get to me. The truth hurts, but it hurts even more when you can't and don't accept it. Hence the blog. In light of what I learned today, I decided to have a little outlet. This site could have also been the product of a renewed interest of blogging among my friends but nonetheless, I think that having this can positively take up some of my time.

PS: What are dreams made of?